Dating a widow books
She has to cope not merely with the new situation of loving two men at the same time, but also with the shift in the way she has loved her deceased husband: a shirt from a relationship with a physical companion who provides active support and love to one who is no longer alive and cannot be active in her life (see here).In the romantic ideology, profound love should last forever.The end of love is taken to indicate that it was superficial in the first place.Contrary to this view, love can perish for various reasons that arise from changes in intrinsic or extrinsic circumstances; such changes do not necessarily indicate that the initial love was superficial.We speak about "dead marriages" (there is even an internet site entitled "Married but not dead"), "cold husbands," and "frigid wives." Since love is perceived to be the essence of life, the end of love can cause some people to wish to end life as well: to sacrifice their life, or to kill others for love.
For widows, is loving again worth the effort of having to adjust to another person?In most cases of widowhood, if there was a positive attitude toward the spouse during his lifetime, this is enhanced. In a sense, the new lover brings the widow back to life.This is due both to the tendency to idealize the past and to our sense of propriety in not speaking ill of the dead. As Annabel, a widow, said to her friend who ignited in her the desire to make love: "Thank you for bringing me back to life." The widow faces the challenge of entering into a new and meaningful spousal relationship without letting the former relationship be forgotten or denied.There is ample evidence that this is possible, both in the diachronic sense of loving one person after another and in the synchronic sense of having two lovers at the same time. Their love to two people is more complex given the continuing impact of bereavement, even years after the loss.The widow's ongoing relationship and bond to the deceased remains a central aspect in her life.