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I made the mistake of always asking him what was going on when I found things…always lied.
I discovered a double life, I pieced it together and found that when he was the cruelest to me it was when he had an affair going on.
I now know that there are real monsters that have no empathy and no conscience.
So fast forward into eleven years of marriage, and as each year went by he seemed to become more and more irrational and mean.
I thought his secretary was my friend, so hearing that voice mail really hurt.
We played this perfect family, but I wasn’t playing, I worked and loved hard. He has to have admiration of others, and women are easy. He also has no regard for others (empathy) and no qualms at all lying and looking you straight in the eyes, daily, even with proof in your hands. He uses people for his own gratification, not one person means anything to him except for how they can make him feel. When I kept finding more and more concrete proof and he could no longer lie, he got violent because he was discovered and I required he get help, that was the only way I would consider not filing for divorce.
He hit and pushed and lost it instead, he blamed, he belittled me, he did the most cruel things to me to try and bait me so he could blame me…actually tried several times to force me to react, so he could make me the cause of divorce, so he could even have me jailed.
He just lied (and really fast) about being with a male friend at lunch and calling him…but no guy talks to another guy like he was talking.
Red alert, I called my sister and she told me how to check a cell phone. I checked his phone when he got home, and there were three messages from other woman, one a stripper.