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I don’t like to give a lot of clues about where I’m at when I’m reading them, but I just gave up on that one real quickly in this letter. Is just like the enormity of his response and the degree to which he will flee from you, as if you should be confined to a menstrual hut and shunned until you are clean again is, I can’t believe that you even a little bit feel like “How do we compromise on this? The first time he was moving and didn’t want to get married in transit.The second time he let his friend who was going through a divorce live with him for two months so we had to postpone again.Because of this, about every two to three months I find out I’m on my period in the middle of sex with my boyfriend who proceeds to freak out, immediately end our intimacy, and usually never picks it back up again, then try to distract himself from what just happened for the rest of the night and doesn’t want to talk about it. It doesn’t have to be your favorite thing in the world. Ortberg: But he says he’s not mad at you and doesn’t blame you. Ortberg: I bet he doesn’t come to a complete stop at stop signs because they’re red and they remind him of menstruation and the thought of that is so terrifying he has to flee.Meanwhile, I’m left feeling hurt and neglected, abandoned in the middle of sex, and since I’m extra-hormonal, I end up crying. You don’t have to put some in your morning smoothie every day. If he is responding with this level of paralysis and panic and terror and “Get your cooties away from me” every couple of months, there are guys out there who are not like that. The fact that that’s where he’s at emotionally, is like yeah, he fucking shouldn’t. Like, “Guy, she’s not bleeding on you on purpose.” It’s not like she secretly knows when her period’s about to start and then it’s like, “Yeah, I’m going to bleed all over his dick and not tell him.” It’s also just period blood. All right, we’ve got stop just hating on this one guy because I could dedicate the rest of my life to doing that, but I really shouldn’t. Dear Prudence, my fiancé and I have been together for seven years now and engaged for the past five.

I have never before gotten a letter that so clearly and perfectly indicted the letter writer themselves as this one did. The daughter had a best friend named Katie, who she had known since they were four. Katie was going to be one of her bridesmaids and Katie walks with a limp.

My boyfriend always says that he’s not mad at me and doesn’t blame me. I’m not here to tell you that unless you are animatedly eating your girlfriend out while she’s on her period that you’re a bad person. If you find out someone’s bleeding a little bit in the middle of sex and it just kills the mood for you, your boner moves away to the moon and you’re just absolutely done, fine. This is going to keep happening every month-ish for a long time. But if this guy, like just the thought of his dick touching something that was inside your uterus makes him throw himself in a basement for 24 hours and ignore you when you cry, then this guy’s an immature, misogynistic asshole. That’s like saying, “Look, darling, I’m not mad at you for converting oxygen into carbon dioxide several times a minute.” The fact that he even thinks that he has the right to say that he’s not mad at you for sometimes menstruating is bananas. Every time we try to move forward with the wedding something happens and we postpone it for a later date.

He knows I can’t help it, but I can’t help feeling that he resents me and that he’s making my period all about his trauma from touching and seeing the period blood, which 50 percent of the population has to deal with as a normal fact of our lives. I’m mad at him for ignoring my emotional needs and he’s mad at me for bleeding on him and then crying about it. I mean obviously it’s not nice to bleed all over someone nonconsenually, but generally in heterosexual intercourse, women have to deal with a not super-pleasant male bodily fluid. You don’t have to enjoy having sex with someone who’s actively menstruating to be a good boyfriend, but this is fucking ridiculous. But then just calmly remove your genitals from her genitals and get a paper towel, wipe both of yourselves off, and then say something like, “Hey, sorry about that.” Check and see, does she want to finish? I should note that I don’t live with him, nor do I have a copy of his house key.

Dear Prudence, my boyfriend is very disgusted by period blood, which is understandable.

Period blood is gross and because of that we don’t have sex when I’m on my period. Then move on with your life because you’re an adult human being who touched a little blood for a second.

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