Online dating psychos

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We either go in full of distrust, have that distrust proved, but keep trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and project our love on them and miraculously expect them to change – I love you anyway so you should not only love me too but automatically change your behaviour.

Or, we start off with a clean slate each time, but still picking the same kind of guys and expecting a different relationship, failing to connect the type of relationships with the type of man to the type of relationship pattern that we have – I don’t really trust that much but these are the types of guy that I’m attracted to and surely I’ll get it right at some point?

At the end of the day, the fact that you get trapped in your feelings, indecision, and inaction feeds into the distrust you feel.

If you have boundaries and you make a decision based on the fact that your boundaries are being crossed and disrespected, you know that the decision you made is right because their behaviour is unacceptable for the relationship.

The trouble is that trust is fundamental to every relationship and when everything is derived from the distrust, even if you don’t realise this, you will both create your dynamic around the distrust and behave accordingly. Surely they just need to see that someone believes in them and they’ll start being capable of being trusted.

I have people say to me: I’ve had so many sh*tty things happen to me so of course I don’t trust guys. {If you can’t trust you, who the hell can you trust and how do you know if what you’re doing is right or wrong for you? {You’re not picking up a stray dog and giving it a home!

I think I’d rather be horny for a few hours or even days, than disappointed and hurt for an extended period of time.One reader said to me recently, “Natalie, at first when I told guys to go away because they couldn’t give me what I want, it hurt!But a few months on, I am so much more confident because every single last one of these guys, from the ones that approached me online to the ones I met at functions, turned out to be exactly the type of guy I need to stay away from.For the person on the receiving end, you’re not even seeing them – you’re seeing your fears.Sometimes you’ll be right to be cautious but sometimes you’re making their life difficult because of previous experiences that you haven’t resolved and made peace with.

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