Playing with matches misadventures in dating
Pride doesn’t help in times like this, it only hurts.The thing is, just sticking around doesn’t mean you’re a better person.One of the most perverse aspects of being human is how hard we fight against our own best interests.Our brains are prone to a host of psychological effects and fallacies that convince us that we damn good and well that I needed to break up with my girlfriend – for years longer than I should have.
But as the man said: that’s just pride fucking with you.
Even now, it’s a fairly open and shut case: he needs to break up with his girlfriend already.
The problem is example of why it’s so hard to break up with someone, even when you know it needs to happen, laid out in pure text. Our brains are very good at throwing roadblocks in our way and making us talk ourselves out of doing what we know we need to do.
Every visit, I’d leave not sure if I wanted to be with this person but as soon as I’d come home loneliness and nostalgia set in and suddenly I’m thinking “Well, it’s probably not as bad as all that. As much as I’m a non-confrontational person, I’ve tried to do some prodding about these issues, and I’ve been met with firm resistance. I don’t enjoy our time together in person, but maybe I just need to get used to it? Staying with her is easier, and safer, and better (so I tell myself). If I break things off now, I will have been wasting her time, for years.
I can deal with this.” Even though I KNOW THIS IS TOTALLY INSANE. She does NOT think she should have to change for my sake. There’s still that person I’ve been talking to on the internet, right? She’ll feel betrayed, furious, devastated, and the thought of that makes me feel physically ill.