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Anyway, they’ve decided to transform this labyrinth – Rise Hall in East Yorkshire – into a wedding venue for hire, which is where Beeny’s Restoration Nightmare comes in. From the skirting boards grew fungus the size and shape of the BFG’s ears.

After years making TV series in which she watches members of the public renovate houses, she’s making a TV series in which she renovates her own. Down the bathroom walls slobbered sickly green mould like ectoplasm from Ghostbusters.

Perhaps she has so many children that Tompkinson lost count, and settled on a figure of three to avoid embarrassment.

I apologise for this unseemly fascination with a harmless TV presenter’s reproductive fecundity, but it is relevant, because it would explain why she and her husband Graham felt the need to buy a house with 30 bedrooms.

Beeny’s anxiety was understandable – think of all those dozens of mouths she has to feed – but I’m not sure I share it. An episode of Property Ladder shows two houses done up, from start to finish.

Beeny’s Restoration Nightmare, by contrast, is taking three episodes, of an hour each, to show one house done up.

You might assume that, for a couple with a 97-room house (plus 30 acres of land, plus a second home in London), money is not in short supply, but according to Beeny it is.

“There’s no bottomless pit of money,” she informed the camera grimly.

“Today,” narrated Tompkinson proudly, “has proved to Sarah and Graham that together they can achieve incredible things.” As far as I could see they’d mainly spent the day watching some workmen operate diggers, but I suppose with a budget of £3.50 even getting workmen to turn up is an achievement.

"They've been dating for a while now and are very happy," a friend of the pair tells us.

Before Dallas, Bennett was previously linked to Lance Bass.

As we approach a vote on the UK's membership of the European Union, we look at what 50 writers, actors, historians, artists and comedians have said about Europe and its nations.

But then Sarah Beeny, television’s ubiquitous property expert, came across the house in East Yorkshire — and it was love at first sight.

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